Salt Lake City Blues ('Final' Version)
Great afternoons we had, you guys awayFrom home, most grateful for each willing ear,A place to drop the satchel, have your say And then to change the subject and the gear.Great afternoons that showed...
View ArticleRe: Salt Lake City Blues ('Final' Version)
It just amazes me how well you write in a second language. Do you write in Dutch too? Just occasionally the Dutch creeps through as in'How Flemish Flemish Belgium just can be,''just' fits the metre...
View ArticleRe: Salt Lake City Blues ('Final' Version)
Hi Multo,Thanx a lot for reading and responding.Hey, I liked your suggestion about 'Flemish Belgium'. VERY ironic. I'll edit accordingly.The same for 'straight'! VERY ironic too. You're right:...
View ArticleRe: Salt Lake City Blues ('Final' Version)
Hi, Dutch!I like this a lot--and I echo Multo's comment about your amazing facility with the second language, which is, ironically, an extremely difficult one to master, with all its aggregate idioms,...
View ArticleRe: Salt Lake City Blues ('Final' Version)
Hi Museeker,Thanx for reading and taking time.I've been thinking a lot about those damned final Lines (13, 14).What's your opnion about:'[We knew it all along. The same old song.]Oblivion's final...
View ArticleRe: Salt Lake City Blues ('Final' Version)
Dutch,The revised version of those last two lines still doesn't quite do it, in my opinion. How about considering something like this..?:We knew it all along. The same old song. Oblivion. We had the...
View ArticleRe: Salt Lake City Blues ('Final' Version)
Mr Museeker,Thank you very much for your suggestion as to the final lines.I completely agree with your rendering - I only changed 'the' in Line 14 into 'we'. [Any disagreement most welcome!]Thanx...
View ArticleRe: Salt Lake City Blues ('Final' Version)
Dear Dutch,Another great sonnet from you. The critics gave their opinions. I agree with Museseeker.Great afternoons we had, you guys awayFrom home, most grateful for each willing ear,A place to drop...
View ArticleRe: Salt Lake City Blues ('Final' Version)
Hi Tamara,Thanks for reading.Yes, I've been thinking too about Line 14. Something is still wrong with it:'But all move on - we wretches and forlorn.'The last 4 words, the 'we'...I'll edit into:'But...
View ArticleRe: Salt Lake City Blues ('Final' Version)
First off: Fine sonnet.The repeated but in the most-current final line, though, comes off (to my ears) as more awkward than ironic. If you still don't like the line you changed it from, But all move...
View ArticleRe: Salt Lake City Blues ('Final' Version)
Hi Brendan,Many thanks for your fine suggestions.You're right: Line 14 still wasn't right.I edited. It now reads:'But all move on - all wretches, all forlorn.'Thanx for taking time!Regards, Dutch
View ArticleRe: Salt Lake City Blues ('Final' Version)
Hi Dutch,I liked this in it original version, but sitting back and watching it morph into something even more powerful has been an enjoyable experience. Hmmm, funny how the words powerful and...
View ArticleRe: Salt Lake City Blues ('Final' Version)
Hi Mary,Thank you. Always a pleasure to read your thoughtful comments!Regards, Dutch
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